Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
