I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
