I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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