Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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