I just made out with a guy for $7.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
