i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
