I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
