So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
