Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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