But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
