Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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