i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
