So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize