The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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