the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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