btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
