i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
