i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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