do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
