Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
