remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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