i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize