when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
