Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
