man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
