So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
