New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
