i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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