I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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