i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
