i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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