so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
false alarm. still invincible.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
