is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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