fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
