Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
