i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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