u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
