She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
