How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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