Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
