I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
