Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
