if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I love you. Go after that dick
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
