There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
