TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
