Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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