question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
