she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
