i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
