dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
