I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
