and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
