Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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