I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
