you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
