Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
