Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
