There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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