Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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