seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
