You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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