im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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