My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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