when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
