I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Help. Why am I so naked?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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