it's like iHOP with fire
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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