she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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